Week 4: The Mane Event

Starting can be the hardest part.

Dr Stephen Smith is my professor.  He often has our minds challenged with deep philosophies, huge conundrums, and self reflection.  This past week he sent us on a field trip to the "Mane Event".  This was in a big red barn in Chilliwack and we were to observe three trainers and their colts.  Then he sent prompts for this blog. "What felt right vs what felt wrong? Why?" I ask myself "why" often.

I watched the whole event with all my senses.  I smelled the smell of horses, leather and hay.  I heard the little knickers and whinnies of annoyance.  The trainers spoke their thoughts over the loud speakers as they walked in the circle corral.  I saw the surprise and playfulness of those colts.  The colts displayed distinctive body language.  One in particular was so alarmed and curious about the blue tarp obstacle.  Some obstacles that the colts were to maneuver over were jumping beams and a blue tarp.  The look of surprise and the physical avoidance of this new "thing" was funny to observe.  The colt would cautiously approach with nose and neck outstretched and sniff.  The ears would be flicking around.  The eyes would look around and the muscles of the shoulders would twitch, ready to jump away. I felt the anticipation in the space.  The observers were rooting for the horse and the trainer.  The trainer had a goal in mind.  The horse was curious and wary of the purpose for being there.

I was struck by each of the trainers approaches.  My past experiences include working with children at summer camp, working with youth at risk, a short order cook and as a Safeway deli girl.  My current jobs include mother of four, wife, massage therapist, teacher and student.

I observed that horse training is very similar to childrearing.

The first trainer used the follow-me-and-we-will-get-stuff-done approach.  This trainer would give the horse a rub on the head to indicate trust and job well done.  This trainer spent time with each building block of training.  He did a lot of repetition.  He did neck flexion to get the horse to turn and follow the lead.  He would get up on the stirrup and hang out half on the horse.  This was to allow time for the horse to think about the desired behaviour.  At the end he was wanting to get the horse to cross the blue tarp and was pulling on the lead.  The colt made it clear, "You can make me do so much, and I am not going across that thing." Then his training time ran out.

The second trainer did the daddy-knows-best approach.  He took control the situation and made a clear message to the colt, "you have choices".  The crux was "I will crack the whip in the undesirable choice". Like with children, choices set by adults is an illusion.  There is only one option.  You may think you can go this way, yet you will be redirected to the outcome set by the adult.  The trainer was able to get the colt running around the round pen and moved the obstacles closer to the outer edge.  When the horse wanted to avoid the tarp, he would crack the whip where the perceived escape route was.  The colt was left no choice, but to go over the tarp.

The third trainer resonated the most for me.  He approach was I-will-wait-while-you-investigate-and-I-will-be-your-support.  He would introduce new items and give the colt time to think and consider the situation.  He did not soothe, reward or create distinct options.  He simply presented the tarp with a "hmmmm, what is this?"  He sat in the saddle and created a situation of "How will we cross over?"  The colt paced around the pen and would pause and think about that tarp. Then, with a little encouragement from the trainer, the colt hesitated, then decided to go over.

I find as a mom, there is a time and place for each approach.  I have learned the first, forced method gets reluctant results. The second method get conformed consistent results of what daddy wants. The third method creates a dialogue.  A wonderment, contemplation and creation of independent thinking. The third approach resonates deeply.  I hope with each of my children, I can be a guide.  One that will sit with them when they are struggling with an unknown challenge, the new "thing".  Perhaps, I can give them courage to cross the tarp independently and confidently, while being the supportive observer.